I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
