i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm always down for nudity.
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