woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
