I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
two words...techno handjob
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
