so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
