i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
