I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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