a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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