I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
