Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
