Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
