i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
