omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
