Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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