i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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