i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
