My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
