You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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