she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
