Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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