the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
