Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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