Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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