The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Boobs are out for the taking
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
