Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
