so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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