I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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