I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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