Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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