I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
