So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
