I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
