Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
