Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
