It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I sprained my soul last night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
