Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
