i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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