you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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