"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
