I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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