Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
