I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
