i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
