Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How external is "for external use only"?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
