I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
