Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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