nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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