the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
