Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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