Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
