My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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