He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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