I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
