she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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