I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
