evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
