your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
