Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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