Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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