So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
