How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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