if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
