Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
