I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
