Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
