Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
