Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
