Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
