good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The adults are the big ones right?
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