its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
