There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
